One Win Away

Ball & Oates rode the wave of postseason glory to a win over Twenty Ten & Five yesterday by a score of 29-19, advancing to the championship and moving one step closer to the celebratory and #lavish rager at Cuban’s mansion.

The decisive victory came to Ball & Oates with relative ease, practically falling into their laps. In fact, they worked about as hard for this win as Joe Buck did for his job at Fox Sports, mostly due to the fact that only one player from Twenty Ten & Five showed up, resulting in a forfeit. Not to be stood up, the Ballers decided to take matters into their own hands and forced the two officials to play with them in an intense game of four-on-four. Andrew and Martina, the two PSN refs, played on opposite teams despite their strong Love & Basketball chemistry. She kinda looked like Sanaa Lathan too.


The do-or-die win came after frustrating back-to-back losses. The first was against none other than Twenty Ten & Five, who managed to beat Ball & Oates with only four players. The second was against Slam Dunk Champs, led by Sideshow Bob and Ronald Weasley, who proved themselves to be decent ballers but even bigger assholes. However, the highlights from that matchup were less about the gameplay and more about the taunting and the narrowly avoided brawls. In particular, Sideshow Bob’s comments to “Jrue” Schenider and Joe “Kobe” resulted in some heated jawing and Ball & Oates bench clearing, which was just “Cuban” Guercio running onto the court, twirling nun-chunks.


In an unprecedented move, GM “Cuban” Guercio fined the PSN League and its referees for lopsided officiating in the match against Twenty Ten & Five and permitting Slam Dunk Champs’ general douchebaggery. In an equally unprecedented move, PSN league organizer begged Cuban for forgiveness, and even offered complementary hand jibbers from the cute Asian team photographer for all of the Ball & Oates players. Team spokesman declined to comment if they accepted the league organizer’s offer.

Ball & Oates was happy to have “Chief” Salgats and “Kill Cam” Cassedy back yesterday after missing a few games. Presumably, last week Cassedy was off wearing a seersucker suit and a stupid hat while yelling at horses and getting drunk on mint juleps. Michael “Charged” Colosimo and Leo “Ratliff” also joined the team yesterday after missing last week’s matchup, both claimed that they were “too tuckered out” from a light jog in the morning to play last Sunday. However, “Rude Boy” Shah was unable to play yesterday as he was appearing in the new season of The Real World.

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The team is expected to be at full strength this Sunday when they take on Pickin & Rollin in the PSN Sunday League Championship. It is still uncertain if Matt “Dennis” Farina will play. Although, similar to what the Chicago Bulls GM told Derrick Rose this week, “Cuban” Guercio informed teammate Farina that he is quickly running out of personal days. Nevertheless, prepare yourselves for a great rematch in the Finals, as Ball & Oates won the previous contest between these teams. More importantly, prepare yourself to be knee-deep in women and Fireball should B&O emerge victorious.

Game notes: Ball & Oates surprised their cheerleader and team mom “Totes Cleave” Benway for Mother’s Day by letting her take warmup shots with the team and even let her work the scoreboard for a bit.


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