That first dub

Ball & Oates looked sharp on Sunday despite playing without “Killa Cam” Cassedy and “Big Beard” Brady, jumping out to an early lead and maintaining it throughout the entire game. The team beat Pickin & Rollin, who didn’t do much of either, by a final score of 31-21.

The team’s offense was certainly impressive, with Joe “Kobe” sinking some keys shots and free throws after drawing contact multiple times while driving to the basket. A player for Pickin & Rollin vented the frustration caused by his own terrible gameplay toward Kobe while he was taking a foul shot, saying that he should let Kobe knock him down in order to draw an offensive foul against Kobe. Joe simply replied, “you have to get in front of me first.”

In addition to Joe “Kobe”‘s fine play, Leo “Ratliff” Guercio filled in for the two deadbeats  missing players and added some pop off the bench. His most impressive play came in the second half when he cherry-picked, received a court-length pass, and missed two wide open layups. “Jrue” Schneider did his usual thing playing hard in the paint, and took it one step further when he epically stuffed a shot in the second half by Pickin & Rollin’s big man.

“Chief Salgats” Salgado and “Rude Boy” Shah ran point and added to Ball & Oates’ lead with great shooting. Even Michael “30 Seconds Late” Colosimo and GM “Cuban” Guercio made a shot! It was an impressive performance all across the board, and the team’s GM couldn’t have been happier… until the worst happened. Newcomer to the team, Matt “Dennis” Farina, after a strong start, went down in the last seconds of the first half with a leg injury.

After being examined by team doctors, the team announced that Farina tore his achilles on the play. This came as sad news, as the team relies very heavily on Matt’s strong basketball skills. GM “Cuban” Guercio released a statement saying, “We all have Matty Farina in our thoughts and pray for a speedy recovery. Seriously, we need him back like… next week. Two weeks tops.”

Ball & Oates takes the court again next week at 4 pm against Dick Vitale & the Shaved Krzyzewskis.

Game notes:
Sunday’s game marked the first appearance of Ball & Oates’ new cheerleader, Rachel “Totes Cleave” Benway… Leo “Ratliff” Guercio, apparently upset about the two missed wide-open layups, performed the world’s first drive-by titty twister against teammate Rudy “Rude Boy” Shah… B&O abandonded their normal post-game water hole, Perch Pub, in favor of Misconduct Tavern after the Perch Pub became overpopulated with well-to-do patrons of the theater.


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