Pressure is Off

Ball & Oates snapped their season long win streak on Sunday, ending their run at 0. The team dropped the first game of the season to Twenty Ten & Five by a single basket, losing their home opener by a score of 33-31.

Despite the heartbreaking, last minute loss, the team played with real urgency to bring the game that close after Twenty Ten & Five opened up the match with a 13-0 run. Thanks to clutch shooting from newcomers Matt “Dennis” Farina and Joe “Kobe”, the team was able to come back and take the lead in the second half. However it wasn’t enough the maintain and ultimately win the game.

GM Cuban tied his career high in bricks and turnovers, missing every single shot he took (seven total) and getting the ball stolen from him four times. The team placed Cameron “Killa Cam” Cassedy on suicide watch after he fell into a deep depression from missing a put-back shot down in the paint which would have tied the game with only ten seconds remaining. Matt “Big Beard” Brady said after the game that he truly enjoyed watching the entire match while twiddling his thumbs under the basket. “I mean, it was ugly at first, but then it got really entertaining! I was so lucky to be a spectator during this game,” he said.

To add insult to injury, Cuban received a memo this morning from President Obama, questioning his game-time decisions and performance. Apprently, the Commander-in-Chief was upset because he selected Ball & Oates to win his entire bracket. Although, the team’s incongruity can easily be attributed the the four key starters who did not play in game one. Steve “Chief Salgats” Salgado was living it up in Cabo, “Jrue” Schneider was living it up in Florida, “Rude Boy” Shah was living it up in Organge County, California, and Michael “30 Minutes Late” Colosimo said he’d rather watch the FGCU game in his dingy apartment less than a block away from the Sporting Club at the Bellevue. Colosimo rode the bandwagon all the way to his computer, where he went to and preordered an “FGCU 2013 NCAA Champs” T-shirt, which should arrive this morning with the expedited shipping option he selected.

GM Cuban personally thanked his brother Leo “Ratliff” and his random friend, Dave, for coming to support the team while they were playing with a skeleton staff. “Ratliff” and Dave sported skirts and pom-poms and cheered on Ball & Oates from start to finish, providing much needed energy to the team. Dave even sat on Leo’s shoulders and sang the Eagles’ flight song, simply replacing the football team’s name with “Ball & Oates”.

Now that the pressure for an undefeated season is off, the team will take a religious hiatus for Easter Sunday and attend a special mass just for them, where all prayers will be for the Lord to allow Cuban to take a shot that actually hits the rim. Ball & Oates still has a chance to win the championship this season, which would result in a Bacchus-like party to take place at Cuban’s private estate, Ellsworth Manor, as promised by the GM himself. If being knee deep in wine & women like Tyrion Lannister from Game of Thrones isn’t enough motivation for the team, I don’t know what is.


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