A Rough One

Ball and Oates achieved the unthinkable yesterday with their loss to Faith +1, despite playing with 9 of the 10 players on the roster. The team trailed for a majority of the game after losing an early lead, but showed some signs of life when they brought the score to within four points with about 90 seconds remaining. Ultimately, Philadelphia’s Ball and Oates couldn’t close, much like the 2010 Flyers, or the 2009 Phillies, or the 2004 Eagles, or the 2001 Sixers, or the…

Sunday’s game marked the debut of Ball and Oates’ starting center, Drew “Jrue” Schneider, who dominated the inside game with great offense and defense. Cameron “Killa Cam” Cassedy and Isaac “Newton” Perron worked their usual magic, sinking multiple clutch three pointers. GM GP “Cuban” Guercio worked his usual magic, missing every shot he took in the game. The missing player from the roster, Steve “Sunshine” Salgado was sent to Ball and Oates’ Double-A team affiliate in Arizona, Ball Me Maybe, to work not on his basketball technique but on his party stamina. GM “Cuban” Guercio was pleased to hear that Salgado was cleared to play in this Sunday’s game after he was successfully able to shotgun 6 beers in under one minute.

Ball and Oates had a brief scare when Isaac “Newton” Perron went down after being elbowed in the chin. After a stoppage of play, it was determined the Perron could continue. It seems the only damage is emotional as he has to shave his Brian Wilson-status beard to treat the cut.

Now he looks even more Amish than he did before.

“That fritatta hit me with an elbow and now I have to shave? This aggression will not stand, man!” exclaimed Perron after the game. Perhaps, when these two teams meet again in the playoffs, there will be some payback from Ball and Oates.

This coming Sunday’s game is expected to be a romp, as the team will be without “Jrue” Schneider, Mike “Hasselhoff” Sunderhauf, and Mike “Speedy” Salera. However, Ball and Oates may have a surprise or two left in them now that the expectations couldn’t be any lower. Seriously, they need to win at some point. Even the Cleveland Browns have won a game by now.


One thought on “A Rough One

  1. Is this team going for a complete set of “negative wins”? After all, that’s still an accomplishment that will earn them a place in the record books. From there, there’s no place to go but up.

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