While it was a great run for the trailblazing Ball and Oates team, their season officially came to an end on Monday night at St. Paul’s prison court. The team lost their final playoff game by a score of 62-53 and ended their season with a record of 2-6. Their loss to Swished, who were led by the player known only as “The Man in the Hot Pink Sneakers”, came very quietly with virtually no media coverage whatsoever, similar to the recent NCAA sanctions against Penn State.
Though the team couldn’t make it through the dog days of July, there were many notable performances during the game. Tony “Broni” Kauffman, Isaac “Newton” Perron, and Jon “Stroke City” Skale worked their usual magic with great shooting; Leo “Ratliff” Guercio and Tim “Timbo Slice” Robinson were consistently dominant down in the paint; GM GP “Cuban” Guercio notched his first triple double of the season with 10 turnovers, 15 bricked shots, and 11 yells of “that’s what I’m talkin’bout!”
The team was without Matt “Wim Job” Wimmer and Chris “Fire Crotch” Kuncio. Ball and Oates had the police issue an Amber alert for Ethan “Eastern Time” Tannen after he was missing for the third straight week.
GM GP “Cuban” Guercio was quoted after the game saying, “To all of our fans who supported us throughout the season, thank you. To all of those who did not come out to support your hometown heroes, f**k you!” At that point, Phillies catcher Carlos Ruiz pulled Guercio away from the cameras and continued the interview in his place, saying,”My nem iss Carlos Ruiz. My nicknem Chooch. Wut he men to say iss: we lov our fans. Gracias.”
All of the players have major plans for the offseason, none of which include any sort of practice of preparation. They will continue their belligerent drinking and generally irresponsible behavior, especially since “Ratliff” Guercio inherited the title of “Mayor of Philadelphia Nightlife” from that deviant Pat “The Bat” Burrell. In fact, the players’ only goals for the offseason is to top the list of offseason arrests set by their counterparts in the NFL.
Will Ball and Oates return for another season? Maybe. If they do come back, will they remain the only team in the PSN league dumb enough to have no African-American players? Perhaps. Or maybe Ball and Oates’ game-changing, summer 2012 season is one of those rare events that comes around only once in a lifetime and is never seen again, like Halley’s comet or the female orgasm.