Against all odds and expectations, Ball and Oates achieved the unthinkable and lost to Thugged Out Daffodils by a score of 59-46. Ball and Oates was the clear favorite entering the game, but the absences of three key players and the circus-type plays in the first half quickly tilted the game in favor of their rival.
The team clearly lacked their high-paced rate of play usually provided by Tony “Broni” Kauffman, Ethan “Eastern Time” Tannen, and Chris “Fire Crotch” Kuncio. The team issued a statement indicating that Tannen was in Chicago working out with the Bulls as a potential replacement for Derrick Rose, Kuncio had a case of the Jake Taylor knees, and Kauffman found something way cooler to do: eat ice cream and watch the Project Runway marathon on Bravo.
Ball and Oates got off to a slow start and were quickly out scored by 20 in the first 8 minutes of the game, which did not please the crowd. In fact, the Ball and Oates team could live for three weeks off of the food items that were thrown onto the court. The team seemed to pull it together in the second half with improved shooting and strong hustle. However, it was not enough to erase the first half deficit.
Notable performances on the team included precision shooting from Isaac “Newton” Perron and Jon “Stroke City” Skale, dominant paint play by Leo “Ratlif” Guercio and Tim “Timbo Slice” Robinson, great ball handling and point running from Matt “Wim Job” Wimmer, and great Cuban-style shouting from the sideline from GM GP “Cuban” Guercio. In fact, the GM made a key defensive play when he drew an offensive foul with worse acting than Shaquille O’Neal in Kazaam, or any Keanu Reeves performance.
In post game interviews, the GM cried like Andy Murray after losing Wimbledon this weekend. The entire team then silently and emotionally left the locker room with the cameras still rolling. It was the first time 6 basketball players did the walk of shame in Philly since Kloe and Kim Kardashian were in town for a night in 2009.
Ball and Oates will play Thugged Out Daffodicks again next week in a battle of pride.
Game notes: Phillies announcer Chris “Wheels” Wheeler provided colorful commentary for Ball and Oates after he was fired by the Phillies after he incorrectly answered the Dodge Stump the Fans Trivia Question for the 171st straight game.… Among the various tributes to be awarding to top-performing players and teams at the conclusion of the season, there will be a special trophy presentation to the player who shits himself this season. The trophy is named “The George Brett Royal”.