Ball and Oates suffered a heart-breaking loss at home last night, losing in overtime to Swished by 4 points.
The season debut of Tony “Broni” Kauffman and return of Tim “Timbo Slice” Robinson certainly assisted Ball and Oates in getting off to an early lead and neutralizing Swished’s shooting game. Leo “Ratliff” Guercio was dominant in the paint after working with former All-Star and PhD laureate Shaquille O’Neal and following his only move, the elbow-left, elbow-right, kiss off the backboard offense. “Ratliff” Guercio apparently picked up some other qualities from O’Neal as he was unable to form logical sentences in the post-game interview.
Great play from Ethan “Extra-Terrestrial” Tannen, who officially lost the rights to the nickname “ET” after a Philadelphia county judge ruled in favor of Evan Turner last week, Chris “Fire Crotch” Kuncio, and bench players Isaac “Newton” Perron and Matt “Wim Job” Wimmer assisted Ball and Oates in their strong play during regulation time. Perron took the final shot in the second half, which airballed into the stands and hit a young fan in the face. When asked about the boy’s broken nose, Perron said “sucks to be that nerd.”
After dropping the first three games of the season, frustrated GM GP “Cuban” Guercio threatened to take advantage of his extremely high trade value and deal himself for Zahir Carrington and Mike Mack. “I want a ring, plain and simple,” said Guercio, “and I want it now.” Oddly enough, his longtime girlfriend said the same thing earlier this week. Ball and Oates’ fans, all 9 of them being the player’s moms, are on edge to see what will transpire in the coming weeks.
Ball and Oates will attempt to get their first win on Monday. “Yeah, don’t get your hopes up on that one. Trust me,” said Phillies lefty pitcher Cliff Lee.