Despite a rousing pregame speech on par with Al Pacino’s in Any Given Sunday, Ball and Oates took the loss Monday night against the Nuggets and fell to 0-2 on the season.
The team was playing without center Tim “Timbo Slice” Robinson and guard Tony “Brony” Kauffman, who were on gaycation, er, vacation in the Dominican Republic. The Nuggets were up by 15 at the half, mostly by showcasing the alley oops that they learned while playing for the Harlem Globetrotters. Also by the half, the team had gone through 12 squeejies who were cleaning up the sweat of the team’s starting center.
Ball and Oates played with much more urgency in the second half, and only lost by 7 with a final score of 51-44. The most impressive performances were from “Stroke City” Skale, who shot 3-3 despite not wearing his shooting sleeve, and “ET” Tannen, who was officially served a cease and desist order late last week from Sixers guard Evan Turner over the use of the nickname “ET”. Ball and Oates benefitted from some great hustle and defense from starters Matt “Wim Job” Wimmer, Isaac “Newton” Perron, and Chris “Fire Crotch” Kuncio.
Post game interviews with Leo “Ratliff” Guercio and GM GP “Cuban” Guercio indicated that the pair were battling an extreme hangover after attending a three-day bender at the Playboy mansion, which is being attributed to their sub-par performance in Game 2. The situation was exacerbated when photos of adult film star Shyla Styles wearing only Leo Ratliff’s jersey in a hotel room in Santa Monica were posted to Twitter. No word yet on any disciplinary action taken by the PSN league.
Ball and Oates will play again next Monday. Vegas reports the odds against them are 25:1.